Life goes on

I recently had a friend who's nephew lost a baby. This sad situation has had me thinking about Drake more. Its hard since we don't speak of him often. Its hard. My husband doesn't like talking about him, its to sad. I know that he means well, and doesn't like to see me upset, so he always tries to change the subject when it does come up. Not talking about him doesn't mean I don't think about him, or long for him. He is real and will always be. Today I would love to just shout his name and let the world know that I have 5 kids already. We have moved and most people are not aware of our little boy that is gone. It is to hard to just have to explain it to everyone. Yet at the same time my heart screams every time someone asks me how many children I have, I just say 4, its easier for them and in a way for me too. Even though it is easier doesn't be my heart doesn't ache and yell at me as the words leave my mouth. There is no easy answer for this, no easy way to say what my heart wants to be said and protect it at the same time. I think that is the real problem how to be true to my heart and protect it from the senseless pain that always follows.