new to this

I am not sure what I am doing. I just felt compelled to write some of my story down some where. I gave birth to a still born baby boy just about 5 months ago. I have tried to distract my self with anything and everything at the same time. I crave distractions. Anything that keeps me from thinking about how I am feeling and how I am doing. Alot of things have happened in the last few months that have helped me do this. Two trips to the er with older kids, a broken arm for one child, a trip to the white house, two out patient surgeries for two of my kids, easter, my birthday, my son's birthday, my oldest child's unability to accept his baby brother's death, a trip to disney world. Now I have turned to books and tried to work my self to the point of exhaustion. I know that none of this is solving anything but I am not sure what else to do.